Coaches Corner
		with Melanie Keveles

One of my clients complained recently she feels like a misfit – in her job, in her community, among her friends. Everything feels a bit off. Immediately when she started telling me this, I blurted, “What we want to do is go from ‘misfit to Ms. Fit!’”

She liked that and agreed.

So what does it mean to take the journey from misfit to Ms. or Mr. Fit? When we think of fitness we usually think of our bodies and how in shape they are. Here I’m talking about a broader kind of fitness — of fitting into our lives and the places we find ourselves, even if they are not where we want them to be at the moment or ongoing, finding a way to make them work.

Our parents and grandparents pretty much made do with the lives they were given. Often they didn’t explore whether they fit or not: They just lived their lives. Generally, their best friends were school mates or members of their extended family. They went to work in the companies that had been in their communities for generations. They worshipped where their families worshipped. They didn’t question their existence; they simply made the most of it.

Today with the offerings of the Internet and the travel opportunities many people have had in their work and leisure, they are able to experience other worlds. The better educated they are, the more they are open usually to seeing that greener pastures exist beyond their communities. They are exposed to much more and so they may feel like they want more. And by more, we’re not necessarily talking about more stuff, but more meaning, more self expression, more being who they want to be and feel they were meant to be without restriction.

In my work, I specialize as a life and career coach in collaborating with people so they can be more of who they want to be. I’ve discovered this niggling feeling of not fitting needs to be explored to see more specifically what it means. Rather than giving into the belief “I’m a misfit,” it’s playfully exploring what feels right and expanding that feeling to as many places as possible. It’s taking the complaint and turning it into an opportunity for self reflection and an adventure of discovery.

If you are feeling like a misfit on the job, for example, you have the choice of complaining about this, separating yourself from the job and the people around you or looking for ways to have the job fit you more effectively. That doesn’t mean forever, but just for now. Rather than feeling constricted and trapped, you begin to look for openings.

Let’s say you don’t like much of what you’re doing at work. Maybe you’ve become bored. Maybe you don’t believe in what your company is doing. It’s not what you want to do for the rest of your life. Rather than giving into these concerns and becoming cynical, shutting down, playing the ain’t it awful game with others who may be willing to engage in complaining conversation, you instead could get curious and start learning something new. This not only would be good for you, but your organization as well — even though no one is asking for this of you.

And rather than looking solely to the traditional means of learning, such as taking a college course, you could turn to the Internet. For example, iTunes, the interface we think of mainly as a place for downloading music, television shows and movies, has some wonderful free learning spaces, particularly something called iTunesU.

ITunes has made arrangements with universities and organizations to supply lectures and learning series free of charge to people using the interface. And this interface itself is free, and probably already on your computer, even if you don’t own an iPod. If you don’t have iTunes, go to www.apple.com/itunes and download the application for free.

In early May, the Apple Web site was touting a free writing class to be found through iTunesU: Roy’s Writing Tools, offered by the Poynter Institute. The program delivers enjoyable, instructive, and short writing lessons, less than five minutes long. It explains why you should use active verbs and when you should embrace the passive voice; why you should vary the length of your paragraphs. The most recent episode relates how to use your writing as you would a camera, taking word pictures from many different angles.

Imagine how fulfilling it would be if you listened to such a program and then applied what you learned. Maybe your interest isn’t writing, but believe me, numerous learning opportunities are to be had through iTunesU.

In other areas of your life, you might reach out to new groups of people. Look for those with whom you may have something in common. Web sites such as meetup.com, allow you to search for groups in your area, using your zip code as an indicator to who is available with tastes similar to yours. If you can’t find a group, you can easily start one.

You also might consider finding new associations to check out, in your field, as well as in new fields. Check out weddles.com/associations/index.cfm. This comprehensive list offers you access to numerous professional organizations you might want to join. You can trace them back to their local roots and find professionals in your own region to meet.

The point is putting your energy into growing and expanding, rather than focusing on what’s not working for you. That’s the distinction between misfit and Ms./Mr. Fit.

Melanie Keveles, Master Certified Coach, helps people live their dreams instead of dreaming of living. You can visit her Web site at www.startingfreshcoaching.com, send an e-mail to melanie@startingfreshcoaching.com, or call 715-394-4260 for a complimentary session.

• From Misfit to Ms. or Mr. Fit: Moving from personal restriction to opportunity -6/8/2009
• Hitting the reset button -4/29/2009
• Realizing your dreams in a tough economy -4/1/2009
• Five steps you can take to offset the negative news -2/25/2009
• Jack (and Jill) be nimble -1/8/2009